Book Review: Just Let Me Lie Down: Necessary Terms for the Half-Insane Working Mom

First of all, let me say, you do not have to be a working mother to truly appreciate this book. Written by Kristin van Ogtrop, the editor of Real Simple magazine, it gives dictionary type descriptions for a list of a to z definitions that any mother can appreciate, working or not. I found myself nodding sagely, laughing, smiling and hanging my head with van Ogtrop as she described what life is like with little, (and not so little), people in your life. Here's a smattering from the book:

Do not go gentle into that good night: The antisleep oath children take the instant they emerge from the womb. This has a particularly negative effect on you when you have an early work meeting or want, for once this week, to make it to the gym in the morning.

Ignore the tray: The advice generally reserved for waiters that can apply to working mothers as well. That is, if you focus too much on the load you are carrying -for example, if you look too closely at next week's schedule, factoring in work -and child-related commitments -it will tip. Chin up, chest out, watch where you're headed, everything will be just fine.

Negative feedback loop: Your house is messy and the kids won't brush their teeth and the dinner dishes are still in the sink and everything around you is just cluttered and bad and why did you marry that man in the first place and how did you get yourself into all this and why doesn't anyone but you see that dog is at the back door and needs to be let in adn if someone would just go through the mail more than once a week you would not have that giant pile on the counter, filled no doubt with at least three bills that are overdue.
Of course, you really jsut need to break the loop somehow. Try going to bed. Immediately.

Pregnant Pause: The period that begins at thirty-four weeks gestation and lasts until your baby is born, during which time you find it nearly impossible to care about anything that happens at work. This phenomenon may be due to hormones, or it may be that you are distracted by the fact that your watchband is now on the last hole and it's still too tight, meaning that you are surely cutting off circulation to your left hand and it will eventually have to be amputated. and won't you need that hand to change diapers?

Role Model Reversal: When after working for women you thought (in your naivete and lack of experience) where "bad" mothers,  you turn into exactly the sort of mother you said you would never be.
I have worked for some tough broads in my day. Women who are respected and feared in the magazine industry; women who don't suffer fools lightly, who brook no opposition, who don't take no for an answer. Women who are at the top of their game, who eat people like you for breakfast. Women who belittle others in public, just for sport; women who yell at you or look through you; women who have mastered the wordless humiliating dismissal. it has not always been fun working for tough broads, but I've learned more than a few useful lessons. Including, I thought, precisely how not to be a mother.
For a number of years in my twenties and early thirties I worked for a woman who is universally regarded as terrifying, both by those who have worked for her adn those who haven't. One day I was in her office when she was on the phone with her teenage daughter. The daughter apparently didn't like what Mom had to say, because she hung up on her. The teenage daughter, hanging up on the Most Terrifying Person in the World! It was a thrilling moment for me, on so many levels. Not to mention a significant signal that my terrifying boss was a Bad Mother; if she didn't work so hard and was not generally such a difficult person, she would have a better relationship with her daughter, who would never, ever hang up on her.
And then I had a teenager. And one day I picked up the phone to talk to him while I was in the middle of a meeting in my office, and told him something he did not want to hear. And he hung up on me. But we have a great relationship! And I am not a bad mother.
For a few years in my thirties I worked for a woman who is pretty much universally regarded as a world-class slave driver. One night I was sitting behind her in a darkened room in Texas, watching a focus group. As I looked on in amazement, some underling handed her a faxed stack of papers, which happened to be her daughter's homework. Still half-listening to the focus-group participants talk about our magazine, she began to methodically going throught the faxed sheets, correcting her daughter's work. Oh, how sad, I thought. If she didn't work so hard and spent more time at home, she would not have to help her dauther with homework, by fax, from halfway across the country. She would not be a bad mother.
And then one day I was on a business trip when my son's report card came out. He faxed it to my hotel, with a note and smiley face drawn on the bottom of the page. But of course I am usually at home when the report cards come out! And I am not a bad mother.
Growing older is a humbling process, but not just because every year you are a bit less vital and arguable less attractive than you were the year before. No, each new year brings with it grater understanding that you are a complete idiot and hardly know anything about anything. Including working motherhood, and what being a "good" mother really means.

Sisterhood of the black, lightweight wool pants: The tribe of working mothers who are united in their reliance upon the just-right pair of pants that can be worn for three seasons, at least once a week, year in and year out.

Just Let me Lie Down: A request-cum-plea-cum-command that, by nature of its constant presence and persistence, has formed a path around your brain. The path is so well worn that nearly every thought process leads to it, whether you like it or not. To wit: "I am dreading that work meeting today because I am going to see that person who really bothers me and I just don't know how to handle him...oh, just let me lie down." Or, "My daughter needs help with her math homework, but for the life of me I can't remember why a squared plus b squared equals c squared, or why anybody should care...please, just let me lie down." this is something that your mother constantly used to say when you were a kid, and you never understood it. Why would anybody want to lie down in the middle of the day? Now that you are a mother yourself, you see that lying down in the middle of the day is the ultimate luxury, the cure for whatever might ail you, the road to redemption, the golden ticket.

All I have to say to that is amen sista!